Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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