She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
