Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
