I think I died a long time ago.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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