Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
