Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
