Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
