ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
