now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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