How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
