shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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