I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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