I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
