OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
