He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
