Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize