Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
