I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
