Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
