Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize