used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I smell like Dick and happiness
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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