you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
