Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
