We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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