It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
