she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
