just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize