apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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