I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
