nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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