Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
