I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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