u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
