Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize