allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize