it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I supernannyed him into submission
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
