Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
