Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
