Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
