I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
