I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
