I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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