Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
