Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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