she looked like the before picture.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
