Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
