Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
