3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
