Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
