Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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