I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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