I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
