I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Screwed.edu
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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