You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
