I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
