Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
