i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
