Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
