If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
