i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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