Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
