and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Randomize
