I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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