Just cropdusted the office
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
