yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
