it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
