jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
