you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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