She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
